Hooi Defild hier of kane in real life ^^ dit is mijn eerste attempt op een manga script schrijven en heb het meteen in het engels geschreven omdat dat me het beste leek dus sorry als je het niet snapt ^^ enjoy en leave feedback pleaseeee <3.

Characteristics:

Characters:
Name: aoi kohaku also named kohaku-san of aoi-kun
Lives alone with his sister in their parents house after they have died in a car accident
He is 18 years old and 4 months younger than nene-chan. Characteristics: Boy, quiet life, Normal length, Long messy purple hair , normal face, school uniform louse, Not a really people person,



Name: Nene Hinobashi
Also named Nene-chan
Age: 18 Years old and 4 months older than Aoi
She is very happy and crazy about cosplay and always calls aoi, aoi-kun because she thinks that sounds kawaii and dares everything at near his side, they are inseparable after the day that aoi saved her when she fell in the river and wants to know everything about him because he does not talk much about himself and also because he is different and everyone. She is a member of the manga club and wants to involve him in her club. Because she wants to be more with him. And she wants to show him all the wonders of Manga and Cosplay Herself she cosplays almost every day an other anime character because she does not like her school uniform that much, and because of that she gets often in lots of trouble with the headmaster.



Younger sister of Aoi
Name: Ayaka kohaku
Nickname: Aya-chi
Age: 13 years old
Pink hair, long, beautiful girl that likes to mess with her brother and always tries to make him do things for her. For example making her food. Because she is so “young and weak”








The script:

February 1st, 2013
Tudududu, (alarm) You get a vieuw of the room. Aoi takes his alarm and throws it to the other side of his rooms and it bumps on the wall, and it goes off. Aoi turns around and continues to sleep. This is aoi Kohaku a high school student. He is 18 years old and good in drawing and doing nothing. He hates school and waking up early (You get a shot of the alarm with sadface: why always me L ). He likes to keep a low profile at school and.. (the door flies open) oniiiiiiii-channnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

(a shot of)

Name: Ayaka kohaku
Nickname: Aya-chi
Age: 13 year

Wake uppppppppp!! (she jumps on bed and starts poking his face) hngggg! says aoi and pulls his sheets over his face. ( aya makes a angry face) jumps off his bed and goes out of his room and returns with a large bucket of water and pulls his sheets away and throws the water on him.

I said wake up! says aya

0.0 eyes of aoi. Why you little aarrgg (sneezes) that is cold.. why did you do that?!?

Cause you didn’t wake up and I want my breakfast! Says aya (looks proud)

Make it yourself your old enough for that.. you don’t need your brother for that -.-

But I need my big and strong onii-chan for that. I’m just a little and weak sister and knives are dangerous (met sprankelende ogen en heel onschuldig en cute)

Yeye.. sure let me just sleep for some more minutes… says aoi

Hopeless… *she jumps on bed and opens his window* ( its spring so still pretty cold) and the cold wind goes into the room and freezes aoi who is still drenched in water.

Ahhhhhhhh colldddd 0.0 (closes the window) ok I get it.. I will make your breakfast

Yattaaa <3 arigato onii-chan kisses his cheek

Yea sure.. (he takes off his wet pajamas and puts on his school uniform) February already.. time goes by so fast.. he opens his door and goes downstairs

It has been 7 years already since my parents died in a car accident (flashback) and since that time im taking care of myself and living here with my sister. We are keeping our head above water cause of the wealth our parents had. But yea there is nothing I can do about it..

Breakfast! Breakfast! Breakfast! Sings aya

Yeyeye (puts on a apron) what do you want aya?

Call me Aya-chi!! I said it lots of times already.. muh.. I want pancakes!! And for my lunch lots of yummy stuff and sweets :3

*Sigh* aya-chi than..ok this time only okay? Or else you will get fat remember? Its not good to eat so much bad food

Yeye just give it to me :3 im hungeryyyy and I have to leave soon because im on duty today at school and I have to be there 30 minutes earlier. (looks happy)

What time is it than? *Looks at the clock* Its… 6.30

0.0 why so earlyyy??? You have to leave at like 8:00? Why wake me up? I could have spend like another hour in my bed *little cloud pops-up and imagines himself in bed* hmpff. (continues making breakfast)

There ya go! *he puts a plate of pancakes in front of her* eat up ok? You need your energy. And your bento *puts the box with a ribbon on it beside her*

Thank you onii-chan ^^ (gives another cheek kiss)

*yawn looks at the clock* its 7.45 let me grab my bag en head to school cause it starts at 8:15 and I have to walk all the way… *popup of his broken bicycle*

*little time skip* im off aya see you later! *puts on shoes*

I SAID CALL ME AYA-CHI! *yells aya*

Yeye... (he mumbles opens the door and heads to school). It is going to be a boring everyday school day again.. why does never anything interesting happen… (walks along the river and looks to the other side and sees a girl standing on a pillar with what looks like a cosplay costume) Cosplay? Looks awesome but who dresses like that in this early morning? (he continues looking at her and she does a sort of pirouette but stumbles and falls in the water) that looks dangerous! 0.0 he hears her screaming help I cant swim!! (he doesn’t hesitate for a second and drops his bag and takes off his jacket and shoes and jumps in the water to save her) she goes under water and he dives after her and takes her on to the shore. The girl coughs up water.

Why did you do that? says ayo
It is stupid to do a twirl on a pillar near the water if you can’t swim… you could fall in like you did..

Im sorry, Says the girl I was just loving my cosplay so much that I wanted to spin around in it on that pillar it made me feel really awesome

It looked awesome (he mumbles)

What did you say? Asked the girl
Nothing. What are you doing here anyway by the look of it you are still in high school so you should head to your school to? What school are you going to? Asked ayo

I’m going to Akasena High school. And by the look of your outfit you to. Even tough you are all wet now because of me ( she blushes ). You must be cold. Says the girl

Im fine I was drenched already this morning by my sister (looks the other way) don’t ask. As he sees her looking at him with a questioning face. But.. WAIT! YOU GO TO MY SCHOOL? (looks shocked)

Yea (she smiles) im in the 3rd year in class 4.

*shock* im in the 3rd year to but in class 1. He Takes his jacket and puts it around the girl her shoulders. Here this will keep you warm. *smiles to her*

Tt…thanks you *she blushes*

(wow she is a real beautiful girl he thinks when he sees her blushing) Damn! Its already 8:10 and it’s still a long way to school we must hurry!!!!

*he grabs his bag and her hand* lets run!!

What is your name? he askes while running

Mine? Its Nene, Hinobashi Nene.

That is a pretty name ( he smiles) can I call you Nene-chan?

Sure! (she looks at him smiling brightly)

Ow by the way my name is Aoi, Kohaku Aoi

Than I will call you Aoi-kun (she smiles)

Haha okay! Now lets hurry or we will be late!!

Haii!!

*it seems my This day will not be the same as every other one (he thinks) It will be interesting*


Dit was part 1, bedankt voor het lezen ^^ feedback please op de tekeningen en tekst :3?

Arigatoooo , Defild

Super leuk dat je bezig bent met je eigen manga. Ik vind het nog wat vroeg om iets te zeggen over je script omdat het nog zo'n kort stukje is (ik ben nieuwsgierig hoe het verder gaat). Ik vind de kleuren in je tekeningen ook echt geweldig gekozen.
Het viel me op dat bij de kleding de vouwen in de kleding nog niet helemaal kloppen. Ik kwam dit tutorial tegen (wel in het Engels):http://www.scribd.com/doc/31462832/Famous-Artists-Cartoon-Course-Lesson-9-Clothes-and-folds
Verder teken je de armen allemaal net iets te kort.
Je personages hadden ook allemaal dezelfde gezichtsuitdrukkingen. Dat kan zijn omdat het makkelijk is om ze zo voor het eerst te schetsen, maar het geeft niet zo veel weer over wie ze zijn. Dit is een tutorial over het tekenen van emoties (weer in het Engels): http://lackadaisy.foxprints.com/exhibit.php?exhibitid=333
Het kan voor het eind resultaat soms beter zijn om een paar emoties van je personage te hebben getekend zodat je weet hoe hun gezicht werkt.
Veel succes.

Paar algemene tips:
-Het is makkelijker om in een taal te schrijven die je machtig bent. Als je je strip ook in een andere taal wilt verspreiden, kun je iemand die de taal goed spreekt vragen of hij/zij het voor je wil vertalen.

-Als je een realistische setting kiest, is het een goed idee om wat onderzoek te doen. Wat nu bijvoorbeeld opvalt, is dat een achttienjarige een andere achttienjarige bij een club probeert te betrekken in februari. In Japan begint het schooljaar in april, dus deze twee zitten nu in een periode vol met examens. Bovendien zijn ze laatstejaars en zouden ze dus al over een maand of twee van school af moeten zijn. Deze lui hebben helemaal geen tijd voor clubs :)

-Probeer iets nieuws te doen. Elk kinderachtige meisje in elk anime ooit heeft wel een onii-sama, is er iets wat jouw personages anders maakt?